Pre Surgery Feelings

I was able to have a blessing a few weeks ago given by Dustin and because it was a Sunday afternoon my brothers, brother in law and dad were all able to stand in.  All the kids and wives were in the living room and I could feel a real sense of unity within my family.  It's interesting as their laid their hands on my head a sense of safety overcame me too.  I won't share too many personal things about the blessing here, they are in my other journal but I did want to share some other feelings I have had.

On Sunday the family had a special focused fast for myself and Lisa and we also included Carol who is having her parathyroid removed the week after me.  My brother in law Kenny encouraged me to share some feelings I had from this focused fast.

First of all it is humbling to have a fast specific for yourself and especially when my sweet kiddos (10 and 6) skip a meal on behalf of their mom, aunt and grandma.  

As we sang the hymn "I Will Go Where You Want Me To Go" today during sacrament meeting I realized I have never thought that cancer would be a place the Lord would ask me to go.  Maybe another country, state or somebody's house but not a medical condition.  However, I asked myself, "Is it any different?"  If I truly submit my will - I will go WHEREVER He asks me to go.

In Relief Society we talked about being genuine and out of inspiration I am sure the teacher shared a story from a book she was reading.  These people were captive in barracks and were surrounded by swarms of fleas which made their lives absolutley miserable.  One night as they were praying the younger sister expressed gratitude for the fleas.  Her older sister did not understand why.  A few weeks later they overheard the guards say they never went inside those barracks becuase of all the fleas.  And because they enver went in they were able to read their Bible and pray  Although they were miserable the fleas now became a blessing.  I realize this is the same with trials like this.  They seem like an unfortunate event or an inconvenience however what one etrial have we left without growth and more understanding?  I realize I am BLESSED with this trial because of Gods great love for me and all His children.  I am anxious to see how it unfolds and the many lessons I can learn from it.

I realize the weight of things like this are too heavy to carry on our own so we hand it over to the Lord.  There are occasions I decide to hold it for a minute and let m tell you I cannot do it!!  I am thankful for the Atonement and my older brother Jesus Christ for helping me carry this load.

I want to be sure I live my life everyday that my family all knows how important they are to me.  They are what gives my life value and joy.  I hope they always know how much the gospel means to me and my testimony of the Atonement and the Resurrection.