Cancer?

So as I mentioned in my last post, the biopsy results came biopsy results were unknown or inconclusive.  They referred me to a specialist but he couldn’t see me for like 3 weeks.  It made me a little anxious and I had a little cry.  I had to regroup and realize that this was absolutely out of my control and the ONLY thing I could do is think positively and turn this over to the Lord.  I realize my life is in his hands anyway.  I did my best to just forget about it and let faith drive me.  When I went to my appointment I wasn’t worried.  I had remembered this whole series of weeks that I had a blessing as Dustin was called into the Bishopric that I would have good health.  I remembered the words to my patriarchal blessing which promised I would find happiness in the physical aspects of my body as I serve the Lord. 

However as I sat in the doctors office with Dr. Baker ENT I heard him say that I had tumors that were growing and they were learning toward the cancerous side because of multiple characteristics which they displayed.  They want to remove my thyroid and do it soon in case it is cancerous.  He said if you do nothing, you will not see your kids grow up.  What?!  The surgery is 2 hours long and there is 1 in 100 chance they can damage a nerve in the back of my wind pipe as they peel the thyroid gland off which would make my voice hoarse the rest of my life.  Wow!  I need to plan to take a week off and not lift anything over 20 lbs.  I will stay the night in the hospital and they will send the thyroid to pathology who will run tests to see if there is cancer in the thyroid and if so how aggressive in case they need to take further action as it may have spread through other parts of my body.  I left there in absolute shock.  I tried calling Dustin and he didn’t answer which is normal for him at work so I called my mom who immediately tried to reassure that all would be well.  I had been saying the same thing this whole time but just needed a few minutes to cry and feel bad for myself.  As I took a few minutes I felt better.  I was able to refocus and regain strength and faith that all is well in the Lord.  The surgery will happen in September and I am anxious to get on with it and get better.  It is another one of those experiences that makes life come into perspective.  This life is short.  This life is the time for us to prepare to meet God through righteous living and repentance.  I realize I can do better.  I don't feel like this will be the end of my life.  There is a 95% recovery rate and I am a pretty healthy person so I have confidence in the idea that I have more to do here.  I just hope and pray I can be better.  I hope I can life with the perspective that every moment matters.  My kids and husband matter.  My relationship with the Savior matters.  I am determined to be better and let this experience be a strengthening in my life.

“Good timber does not grow with ease, the stronger the wind the stronger the trees.”

The Octopus...

One of the things we did this summer was make sure the kids read a little bit all summer long.  Mostly I read to them but that's ok.  We signed up for the summer reading program and each week we would report to the public library with what we read.  We followed their program to read a book from multiple different genres and types and award winners, etc.  It was a great experience.  Each week when we would report the library would give you a "gift" from a sponsor.  This particular week they had earned 1 free ride at Funland in Tautphaus Park.

We went here a few times as kids and thought it was fun.

Molly and Lincoln decided to ride the airplane. 

 Lincoln thought it was great until it started to swing and then he looked more like this.  Molly was trying to console him.  :) 

Ella and Alissa immediately decided they wanted to ride the octopus.  Mostly because they had never seen it run before I think.  I didn't discourage, I thought it would be good for them.  ha!   So they looked like this getting on.

And about 10 second before they turned it off this is what Ella looked like.  Her hand was straight in the air trying to catch attention of the attendant running the machine because she was sure she was going to die.  I couldn't help myself, I was laughing pretty hard at her.  Sad I know.  It's good for her to try some hard things though.

See, smiling as they got off.   She got upset at me for laughing at her for only a few minutes and then she joined me in the laughter.  What a good time!

Bishopric

Dustin was outside taking care of the lawn on Saturday and he came to the back door and said, “Brother Lee just called and we have an appointment with the stake president tomorrow after church.”  I knew exactly what this call was.  A member of our Bishopric was moving and I had been feeling like there was a good chance this is where Dustin would end up.  My immediate response was to cry.  

I sat through sacrament meeting that week and cried.  The following sacrament meeting I sat and cried.  I love when Dustin has calling like this comparing to his calling as Elders quorum president.  I love to watch the Lord magnify him in his calling and he is social.  He develops real love and concern for the people he has stewardship over and I think it’s amazing.  This is not how he naturally wants to be.  He likes to keep to himself and do his own thing.  I love the extended blessings I see and feel when we sacrifice all we can for him to serve at this capacity.  However, I was sad to be sitting alone with the kids in church.  I figured his time away during the week was not going to be much more than it had been as he was Scoutmaster.

Dustin was calm as can be and felt confident this was not the call that was going to be extended to him.  I told him he was humbly nieve.  As the calling was extended, Dustin cried.  The Stake president reassured him that Heavenly Father knows him personally AND his circumstances and that he still called him into this calling.  There is a reason he is here serving now.  We found out we would need to leave the family reunion on Saturday night instead of Sunday and the stake president also advised us not to tell anybody including our kids until Saturday besides our parents and the person ordaining him to High Priest.  We immediately went to his brother Brian’s house to ask him if he’d ordain Dustin.  He is the only one of Dustin’s siblings that is a High Priest.  He would also have to leave the reunion a day early in order to make it back in time for the ordination.  Thankfully he was ok with it.

In hindsight as I look back over the past few months I felt strongly that our family needed to make some changes.  I felt like we were becoming so stagnant where we were at and that the answer was for us to move away and have some new lessons.  Dustin had the opportunity to apply for a new position so we decided to try for that instead.  Now that he has this calling and new position at work and we have this new “trial” of faith with my thyroid I’m wondering maybe this is what the Lord was preparing my mind for.  These opportunities for growth.

I think it was surprising to him how many people in our ward came to him once the sustaining took place and said “I knew it was you.”  It was humbling again to hear this, especially to him who felt there was others who could better fill this calling.

We went to the stake building after church and Brian ordained Dustin and then President Johnson set him apart in his calling.  My favorite part of the whole day, besides I guess reminding him to prioritize his family and work and church calling was that President Johnson told him he would be a disciple of Jesus Christ and there would be no question who he served.  I loved that!  I feel so thankful for a good husband who is worthy to hold this calling.  Who holds and honors the Priesthood and does is best at all things. 

There were lots of concerned people inquiring about who would take his place as Scoutmaster, but our friend Mike Hansen – whom Dustin replaced, was put in this calling.  They will all have a good time with Mike.

A friend of mine who’s husband was recently in the Bishopric was talking to me about my only real concern of sacrament meeting and she told me, “angels will sit with you and help you and the kids”.  I felt the truth of that and in the 3 weeks we have sat alone, either I have been more patient or the kids have behaved better.  Either way it has been a great blessing to us.  I am thankful for this opportunity our family has to serve and look forward to the blessings and adventures ahead.

Dustin, Bishop Fred Gooch & 2nd Councelor Brock Ball

Brock, Dustin, Fred, Mike Hansen (previous 1st councelor) & Jaren Layton (previous 2nd councelor)

The Blessing of Good Health

For the past 13 months or so I have been losing a lot of hair.  Every time I brush it there is hair everywhere and a handful I pull out from the ends.  I finally decided it was time to go have a physical and have my thyroid checked.  When the PA was examining me she noticed my thyroid was enlarged.  She did a quick blood draw which showed no abnormal results and decided I should probably have an ultra sound to be sure there was no problems.

The ultra sound tech did no talking and I noticed her measuring a lump of some sort.  I didn't ask questions and because she did volunteer anything I just decided to dismiss what I was seeing because I really had no idea what it was I was looking at and don't like to worry myself.

That evening I was surprised when I had a phone call from the doctors office saying there were multiple solid nodules in my thyroid and I needed a biopsy the next day.  Of course I started to worry.  Nobody wants to hear they have masses that need to be biopsied.  As I stressed most of the evening the words of a blessing I had just a little less than 2 weeks ago from my dad came to my mind that I would be blessed with good health.  This immediately brought peace to my mind and prompted another thought.  "You will receive happiness because of the physical aspects of your body" some words which are written in my patriarchal blessing.  Again I felt peace that it would be ok.

Dustin thankfully decided he should be home with me and took the day off work.  His mom was diagnosed 4 days ago with shingles and today was our day to check in on her so I got up this morning and went to her house to check on her.  As I was getting out of the car from coming home it was as though I got a charley horse around my rib cage.  I could hardly move or breathe.  After about 15 minutes or so it let up an I decided to call the chiropractor to see if there was any chance they could get me in.  Surprisingly they had an opening in about an hour and thankfully babysitters just seemed to work out.  Dustin and I went there first and as we were waiting one of my neighbors which lived across the street from me growing up started talking and she had a thyroid biopsy just a few weeks ago and made sure I knew it was no big deal.  It eased my mind just that much more.  I felt such confirmation that the Lord is aware of ME.  He sure does know our circumstances and I am so thankful He loves me and sends friends and others to look after me when I am down.   I was able to feel pretty calm most of the day.  They numbed the area and took samples from 6 different needles out of the largest mass which ended up being about 1" big.  Much bigger than I anticipated it being.  We will know within 72 hours what it is and whether it is cancerous or not.

My friend Farrah had the kids part of the day and made me dinner, mom kept the kids the other half of the day and cleaned my house, my visiting teacher came by, my sister came by with a new movie for us to watch and Mike and Farrah took the kids tonight for an hour or two while Dustin was helping his mom.  Honestly, our lives our so good.  We have been blessed with amazing people surrounding us to buoy us up.  I am confident things will be ok.  I am reminded how important it is to take good care of these bodies we live in and not take good health for granted.  I am so blessed to be a healthy mom and wife and be able to do active things with my family.  I pray that I can continue to do these things and to remember to take better care of my body.