Cancer?

So as I mentioned in my last post, the biopsy results came biopsy results were unknown or inconclusive.  They referred me to a specialist but he couldn’t see me for like 3 weeks.  It made me a little anxious and I had a little cry.  I had to regroup and realize that this was absolutely out of my control and the ONLY thing I could do is think positively and turn this over to the Lord.  I realize my life is in his hands anyway.  I did my best to just forget about it and let faith drive me.  When I went to my appointment I wasn’t worried.  I had remembered this whole series of weeks that I had a blessing as Dustin was called into the Bishopric that I would have good health.  I remembered the words to my patriarchal blessing which promised I would find happiness in the physical aspects of my body as I serve the Lord. 

However as I sat in the doctors office with Dr. Baker ENT I heard him say that I had tumors that were growing and they were learning toward the cancerous side because of multiple characteristics which they displayed.  They want to remove my thyroid and do it soon in case it is cancerous.  He said if you do nothing, you will not see your kids grow up.  What?!  The surgery is 2 hours long and there is 1 in 100 chance they can damage a nerve in the back of my wind pipe as they peel the thyroid gland off which would make my voice hoarse the rest of my life.  Wow!  I need to plan to take a week off and not lift anything over 20 lbs.  I will stay the night in the hospital and they will send the thyroid to pathology who will run tests to see if there is cancer in the thyroid and if so how aggressive in case they need to take further action as it may have spread through other parts of my body.  I left there in absolute shock.  I tried calling Dustin and he didn’t answer which is normal for him at work so I called my mom who immediately tried to reassure that all would be well.  I had been saying the same thing this whole time but just needed a few minutes to cry and feel bad for myself.  As I took a few minutes I felt better.  I was able to refocus and regain strength and faith that all is well in the Lord.  The surgery will happen in September and I am anxious to get on with it and get better.  It is another one of those experiences that makes life come into perspective.  This life is short.  This life is the time for us to prepare to meet God through righteous living and repentance.  I realize I can do better.  I don't feel like this will be the end of my life.  There is a 95% recovery rate and I am a pretty healthy person so I have confidence in the idea that I have more to do here.  I just hope and pray I can be better.  I hope I can life with the perspective that every moment matters.  My kids and husband matter.  My relationship with the Savior matters.  I am determined to be better and let this experience be a strengthening in my life.

“Good timber does not grow with ease, the stronger the wind the stronger the trees.”